Devious Journal Entry

ケケケー
怒ってるかい～？ おまえ～？
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you know tha feeling where you want to sleep and youre tired and you want to get some rest but you cannot because youre crying too much ,and its been an hour or at least it feels lik eit but you still cant sleep you can only cry and shove a pillow in your face to try to shut up and stop being a whiny patheitc bitch but you cant stop crying so you turn your fan on maz to try and drain out the sound because the walls are thin and you dont want your fmaily to hhhear because theyll worry and i dont want them to be sad but i still cant stop cryng and thoughts keep going through my head of what people said because im such a fucking idiot and scenerios that might happen or maybe have already happened and you dont know but the possiblitiy scares me and i font even know why i m writting this why should i vent like this im just some pathetic whiny cowardly ugly needy bitch why should anyone care and thats another thing my mind keeps tellling me that no one cares but people do care i know they do because theyve told me and i trust them and i believe them and they are my freinds i love them but what if theyre lynig what if they just see me as the pitiful worthless pathetic waste of a life that i am and they odnt want to hurt me more than i already am so theyre nice and theylie to me so i can have a false sense of happy but its all fake waht if theyre alll lying to me and theyll never admit it because they feel sorry for me why am i even writing this why do i even talk to people i should just stop talking to evreyone and just draw and write stories and make other people happy because lord knows i cant go a day without being depressing why dont i just shut up and entertain til i die not like anyone cares but they do care but what if theyre lying to me but what if theyre not and why cant is top crying maybe just go awya and dnot say anything and be a loner cause lord knows im no good at makning friends i just end up a fucking wrekc why am i typing i am shaking too much to type nornmally and now im scared of going back on skype im just going t o get hurt again and thenc ry somemore great now im going to be scared fo talking to anyone great just great why does it hurt so much but blod is pretty but why do i ihave to be like this why cant i just be normal why cant i not be an overemotional oversentsitive pathetic whiny ungly bitch and just be a normal person i put this on tumblr i think anyone who talks to me should know that     1. i can’t bring myself to talk when im having a panic attack i literally cannot they freak me out way too much 2. i can but refuse to talk when i am crying i just cant stand talking when im crying because i know i sound like a needy pathetic bitch and i dont like that 3. unanswered messages scare me sometimes in situations like this so i dont look at them because i might go into a panic attack 4. today i learned that panic attacks can go on for well ovre half an hour and they hurt emotionally and sometimes physicallly  

 why ami even writing this journal im such a fuckin idiot why you know that feeling yeah i feel that right now is not fun why does this hurt s o mcuh its not like thehy meant it right but what if thehy did passivaggressivly this hurts i nkow that one message wasnt talkng aoout me specifically but thats how i reda it and it hurts im such an idiot why do id o this to myself im such an idiot they probably all hate me now

_{(i do not know what that '</span>' is doing there and i dont know how to rid of it)}</span>

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ああ～　おまえ　怒ってるだよ！ ケケケ～！